Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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