I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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