the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
