I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
