I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
