All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
