I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
40s are totally the cure
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
