Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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