So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
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