There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Randomize
