Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
