I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
