am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
