Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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