you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
