i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
