Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
