I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
