I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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