His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
