My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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