I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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