I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
