OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
