I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
