I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
