I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize