Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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