I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
