she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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