i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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