Can i not drive my cunt home
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
