If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
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