he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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