You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
