from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
