if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize