Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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