I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
