his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
