arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
