I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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