what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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