I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
