Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
