i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
