my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
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Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
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You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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