im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
