I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
