I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
