Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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