You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
