we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
