everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
