sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
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don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
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Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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