Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
