He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
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I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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