I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
