those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
