Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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