I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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