I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
