Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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