you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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