Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
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my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
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Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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