You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
As shirtless as possible
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
