My room smells like vodka and shame
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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